there are few things i like more than tea and mornings and reading. all at the same time is even better. this morning. i was up very, very early. it wasn’t my choice to be up at that time of day…but i made good use of the time. i caught up on my journal (AGAIN), sipped tea and re-read one of my all time favorite books. i read about 200 pages. mhmmmm. ahhh. the simplicity of life can be so intriguing and delightful.

“some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this.”

did you know that i got my life back? i don’t know exactly when i realized it or exactly when the transition was completed. i do know for certain that God never failed me.

I cannot believe that i’m in this place in my life. i’m able to look back with little to none of the old feelings. regret doesn’t mask everything i do. i am able to look to the future with curiosity but without the need for control. i am living. now. now. now. i love my life now.

it’s a process. i’m getting nourished from the Word of God, great Bible teaching and two lovely mentors. i’m involved in ministry, i’m attending school and i have a wonderful job. i am engaging in life and relationships. i have a life again…and i love it.

i’m done waiting. i’m living. i’m done wishing…i’m seeking. i’m done with doing my own thing. i don’t have to wait. God has life for me right now.

i have always had a life like this. i just had to “lose” it to remember it was worth having.

there is a dear, dear family that i got to have lunch with this afternoon. maybe you know them…maybe you don’t…but they have honestly changed and more or less saved my life in more than one way. God really knows how to use people as His instruments.

i started crying when i saw them…kinda pathetic from an outsider’s perspective…but you don’t understand. they were placed in my life at exactly the right moment. a relationship with them was cultivated through the years. then, they stood up for me and fought for me right when i needed them. right when i felt most like giving up…they knew God wasn’t done with me yet. their encouragement meant the world to me.

thank you Lord for the people you have placed in my life.

I got good grades *does a little happy dance* i got good grades

SOMEHOW…i got a B in spanish. i’m pretty sure that i was hoping for a C. i don’t believe that i’ve ever worked harder for a B.

I’m very thankful for the ability to attend such a good school and for the brain to understand. I’ve been working on my schedule for next year and it looks like it will be a pretty decent one. i have a MWF 8 Am class…but everything else seems pretty balanced. i’m taking two more psychology classes–i love those–so that will be fun.

well. well. we meet again.

today was a long day. today was a good day…but i’m pretty glad that the school part of it is over. i took two exams today. one was in spanish (my hardest class) and the other in nutrition. i studied like a crazy woman for the spanish exam. it was actually quite easy.

God was and is so good to me. He provided a friend and lab partner named Jed. Jed was a blessing. He explained spanish to me and helped me along countless times. i know that i wouldn’t have understood much of anything without him. God provides.

also (another spanish blessing), my spanish teacher apparently likes me. i was the only student she hugged on the way out the door. i was so surprised that she hugged me that i didn’t coherently form the words “Merry Christmas”. she wished me well and said she hoped to see me again soon. i was quire surprised. spanish was my very hardest class. i don’t really know why it was so hard but i struggled for the grade i got. maybe…just maybe…my attitude mattered and she noticed. that’s pretty cool.

Lord, please my life into something that reflects and honors you and you only.

This is the moment
It’s on the line
Which way you gonna fall?
In the middle between
Wrong and right
But you know after all

(Chorus)
It’s your life
What you gonna do?
The world is watching you
Every day the choices you make
Say what you are and who
Your heart beats for
It’s an open door
It’s your life

Are you who you always said you would be?
With a sinking feeling in your chest
Always waiting for someone else to fix you
Tell me when did you forget

(Chorus)

To live the way that you believe
This is your opportunity
To let your life be one that lights the way

******

when i live like people are watching, God gets so much more glory from my actions. i want to be “in-tune” with who my life shows i love.

today promised to be the longest day of my week.

a día de hoy prometía ser el día más largo de mi semana.

i had three tests to study for this week that i am talking today.

Tenía tres pruebas para el estudio de esta semana que estoy hablando hoy.

i’m really excited that thanksgiving is next week. as geeky as it sounds, i need the time to study and catch up on life.

Estoy muy emocionado de que la acción de gracias es la próxima semana.como geek como suena, necesito el tiempo para estudiar y ponerse al día en la vida.

it was a simple thing…but it blessed me and it made a slightly stressful day so much more bearable. i was standing in line for coffee this morning between philosophy and spanish class. i was standing there and wondering if i was going to make it to class on time. i was so close to being at the beginning of the line and yet still so far away….the s girl in front of me suddenly turned around and faced me and the girl behind me. she said “i’d like to buy coffee for both of you if you’ll let me.” i was pretty shocked. i’ve never seen her before…wow. i thanked her and walked away amazed that some good still remains in this fallen world. thanks, God.

Today, I was standing in the toothbrush aisle (can I consider all oral hygiene items can be smushed into the category of toothbrushes? sure, why not) looking high and low for the cutest toothbrush I could find for fewer than two dollars. There really are not many offers for thrifty tooth-brushers. I finally settled on a pink and white combo that boasted the 50% off sticker. Maybe that model is out of date…(I mean come on…) and the item was just taking up valuable real estate.

A mother and her middle school-aged son were also looking at the toothbrushes hanging on the wall. (Ahhh…. how serene). My serenity and calmness was broken by the mother finally deciding on a model…err…toothbrush and putting it into her shopping cart. I noticed at a glace that she was a much more frivolous toothbrush purchaser than I. the metallic sound of the toothbrush hitting the bottom of her cart was met with a dull, winey retort. “No. Mom. THAT toothbrush is not good enough for me.” The boy stomped back to the toothbrushes and thrust the middleclass one back onto the shelf. Then, he grabbed the most expensive regular toothbrush on the single serving row. I do believe he spent $3.45 on a toothbrush, my friends. The very idea makes me want to sit down and catch my breath…how thoughtless and un-frugal (can I say that? Too late…I just did).

Yet, all silliness aside…I believe I have treated God the same way on occasion. Think about it. I have stomped in and not cared to notice all the things He has provided for me. Instead of thanking Him for what He does give…I snatch the seemingly more “expensive” version and cram it into the cart of my life. I am afraid I have done that several times this year. At least now, I am recognizing and admitting the behavior.  I do not want to be the girl who is ungrateful for the provision of the God of the universe. I need Him.

Oh Lord, please drive the cart and do all the purchasing in this life of mine.

Tonight, I am beginning a new approach to an old concept. I have always loved expressing myself through my writing. A blog became the way I met this “requirement” in my life about 5 years ago when I moved to Hungary. I was so young then. Wow. Now, I am technically an adult in almost all areas of my life. Technically. Life has changed so much since that girl moved across the ocean. This girl looks differently, thinks differently, and expresses herself in ways that reflect more mature life experiences.

THIS girl needed a new start because she has been blessed with a new heart. This was a rough year. I am not afraid or ashamed to admit that aloud. But this past year does not have to limit me or scare me away from being all I can be in the short experience called human life. But life is short and I actually have to live now. I believe I reached that crossroads this past weekend. Here, I plan to record a different kind of life experience. I need to dwell on now. I cannot beat myself up any longer about the past and I cannot mourn or fear the future any longer. I am done. The old me is dead and gone. God has done so much in this life. I have been rescued from a pit of darkness and set back in the light. I have been learning how to live in the light again. Sometimes I fail and flunk and do not do this life perfectly…but with the grace of God I am trying. God is so enough for me and I am so in love with Him. He has all of this new heart. I pray I will be able to share some of the blessing with you!