messing with my own head

i am the smartest person i know. i am also the dumbest person i know. it’s not that these are alter egos, really. i suppose they could be in a manner of speaking. but mostly these personalities, or mentalities really, are the manifestations i decide to portray in my life during a day. (i think that made more sense in my head than it does now)

God does empower those who love Him. He does aid them in their lives and their endeavors when they earnestly seek Him and follow the paths He lays before them. I KNOW THAT.

my attitude towards life effects how i live my life. i don’t really understand why completely but i’ve found this to be true. if i feel as if there is nothing to live for…i will have no drive to do well in school, interact with the people around me or convince myself to do anything. ever. if, however, i have a zest for life…suddenly everything is more fun. nothing is perfect in this mentality. i still have issues like tripping over gas nozzles while i’m trying to pump gas and i will still run into things incessantly (somehow drive for life isn’t connected with my coordination skills. someday i’ll understand more about coordination…i probably don’t eat enough pumpkin seeds (or something equally odd) to balance some chemical that’s supposed to help balance me). yet, a mindset colors a mood and a mood colors an action and an action influences a string of events and a string of events makes a lifetime.

too often i let things, including my own insecurities, get in the way of experiencing and doing all i’d like to try and do. i can think of several things i wanted to do this week (and was even given the chance) but i either chickened-out or let made what could be potential abilities into inabilities merely by believing i couldn’t do it.

i have a high success rate when i apply myself.

God gave me  life for a reason. i’m sick of being my own bad guy. olivia can handle life…olivia’s excited….wanna join in?

1. sky diving
2. gold fish swollowing
3. …

ok ok….maybe i’ll start with something a little bit simpler…dana…wanna teach me to salsa?