you’ve completely stolen my heart

yes, i am up late (or early if you look at it that way). i couldn’t sleep. there is too much running around in my mind. yesterday (monday) was a bit on the crazy/stressful side of things…but it was honesty still a very good day. each day is such a gift. so i had a good cry out to God session (a few minutes ago). i don’t believe i realized until this year just how useful tears can be. showing emotion isn’t a bad thing….plus it’s a bonus when you’re talking to God and He created all of my emotions anyway…so i think He can more than handle them

this has been quite the year…God you amaze me.  you have my heart.

“Even the saddest things can become, once we have made peace with them, a source of wisdom and strength for the journey that still lies ahead.”  Frederick Buechner (this was a quote from a blog written by Steven Curtis Chapman’s blog–he lost his 5 year old daughter in an accident last may. this quote struck a chord in my heart)

i can honestly say that i did not want to be here in alabama under the circumstances that brought me back here in February. moving back to alabama was the hardest and best decision i’ve made this year (as far as i know). it’s not been the smoothest transition–but it’s progressively gotten better and better. plus i have this totally awesome family to help me through the highs and lows…and most importantly a God who catches me over and over and over again. i’m officially proving, at least to myself, that i can do nothing to remove myself from His love. God…you are my love.

love to me is nothing like i thought it was before returning. i actually think i’ve learned more here than i could/would have during one semester at Moody. yes, i did just say that. i’m actually starting to be quite content with being here in alabama. no, it wasn’t my plan…but when has my plan actually worked out? God–it’s all you.

back to the chapman family. their little daughter, maria, was killed in an accident that sadly involved her brother. i was just reading an account of the chapman’s story. the brother that hit sweet maria…recalled his experience. he said that after he hit her with the automobile, he just started running and didn’t plan on stopping…until his older brother tackled him and would let him up. his older brother told him (the young brother) that the chapman’s loved him, needed him and that he couldn’t leave. by this point…tears weren’t just falling…they were streaming down my face in torrents…and they stil are i guess you could say. but don’t worry…they aren’t sad tears…i’m just realizing i’m like the brother who hit maria in so many ways.

when i came home in february…a part of me was running like maria’s brother. i was so scared and lost and i didn’t know what to do with what i’d been dealt and gotten myself into. (i’m not saying i have everything figured out now) i may not always understand. i don’t understand why i got the chance to experience what i did…but i’ve been tackled by love so many times in the last 164 days since i left moody.

i don’t have everything together. i’ll be the first one to admit that to you. but i’m dancing with the king of the universe. i don’t want to miss out…He’s kept my heart beating…all along ( in all dimensions). so even now…when i feel that i’m scraping myself together to go on with a day…i have no excuse…my heart is taken by the most ultimate lover…and i cannot let Him down because He’s never forgotten me.